I want to believe that you cared for me, that I was the only one you loved. I want to keep all your good memories with me. I want to relive all the beautiful moments that I had shared with you. But all the painful days when you weren’t there for me, and I needed you when you were busy cheating on me when you took me for granted and shoved my feelings and emotions aside like it was garbage, cloud the happy memories that I carry in my mind. They pinch me and wake me up from the dream of going back to you. They agonizing times of our relationship keep me sane and help in moving forward from a toxic relationship.
Even though this time has been harrowing for me, I am glad that because of you I understand that I don’t belong to someone who doesn’t love me. I do not need to put up with someone who is a coward and will not love anyone with honesty and sincerity. I realized that I don’t belong to someone who is not willing to make efforts to be with me. I do not need run after someone whose affection is not constant. I do not need to make someone apart of my life whose actions and words don’t fuse together. You cannot love someone one day and the other day behave as if you were never in love with them.
You gave me reasons to understand relationships better and what I want from the man I choose to love. I know now what kind of a person I need in my life, someone who is not like you. Someone who would only love me, and will be consistent in his actions and efforts. Someone who would be sincere and loyal. You taught me that I deserve way better than what I had. In this entire process, I understood that true love does exist, but you have to find the right person for yourself. Also, for finding a person who genuinely cares for you and love I need to love myself more than anyone else would.